Why was I not claimed?

By P. Moneri

Dear Journal

Today is Wednesday the 27th, with the weather that swept Bloemfontein now, I be freezing my butt off!  There is nothing that entices more than grace. I woke up today and had a glass of juice instead of Adam's ale.

The year 2022 has brought nothing but misfortunes and unintended setbacks, some can say it's part of growing up, but then it all happened so fast.  I believed that change is difficult and it does not occur overnight, but this year is a nightmare.  It all started when I was not claimed by my associates, not because they were obliged, but simply because we walked this journey together and somehow always there for one another.  I had my hopes high, I looked up to them, I loved and still love them to the core, but why didn't they claim me? 

The morality behind the story is not based on being claimed back or reciprocating the feeling, but then it left me confused and wondering if there's anything wrong that I might have uttered or did to deserve such a cold shoulder.  In the long run, I decided to ease reading too much into it and just let it slide.  This thought kept me tossing and turning overnights and I was suddenly restless.  I understand that I'm not perfect and probably not an easiest person to chill with, but no one?  How did we even get here?  I once found myself checking out my contacts, just to see who might be of help in my situation and every contact I came across, I already knew what they were going to say as an excuse, which I could've understood as a human being, but out of hundreds of them, no one was of assistance.  I became familiar with facing a struggle by my own self, you know that's how it works right? Having to travel one lane thousands times and end up getting used to it! That's me over there.

Take a moment and reflect back on yourself, coddle in self introspection and ask yourself, who you are outside whatever else that you are currently busy with? be it academics, certain occupation or career and so fourth.  I lost myself along the way, because I knew that this phase requires a strong and steady man, so I decided to face the devil.  The only thing I longed for was to be claimed back as I could have done for them, my wise, strong and loving tiny circle. 

If you did not conclude on taking certain decisions that you took this year, where would you be now?  Fortunate enough, I made a decision and stuck by it.  Dearest journal, you are the only thing that I can actually open up to, because I know you won't make fun of what I'm going through, you won't tell anyone or your closest ally, because I know that it's just you and me against the world and this toxic society which portrayed a fragment of how the world should be and what not.  

One day I went to a grocery store and decided to take a cab back to my crib, then I was holding my slips with the cab fare and I gave the driver slips instead of this note, but then I noticed and decided to rectify it.  Fortunately as an elder, he saw me as a bushwhacked  young man.  He asked if everything is okay, as usual, I find it cumbersome to answer questions like that, especially because we don't know each other that well.  I opened up to a stranger and told him what could be the cause of me being this jiggered.  I'm thrilled to announce that the old man was a Godsent, a black angel.  He said, "Son, if you have a roof above your head, having something to eat and looked exactly how I was looking that day, that's enough, those you cannot control, are not yours to worry about. Just focus on what you can change and control"  I knew  from that moment, life is unpredictable and not as easy as it may look, but people with creative personalities really do see the world differently.

I actually never had much to say today, but to show appreciation to those who are always there and making sure that I'm set.  Listening to my long and tedious stories.  I am because you are.  For you all, I'll walk mountains and wake up in the middle of the night to claim you , but you don't have to do the same for me, it all start with your inner being.  I just wish you claim me as I do for you. Love and Light💝 A wabbit Kid.